I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
