I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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