trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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