I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
