My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize