Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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