We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
