Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
