you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
