"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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