Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
