I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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