the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
two words...techno handjob
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
