It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
