I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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