Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
