discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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