It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
