I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
