escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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