I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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