How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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