You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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