Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
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Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
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Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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