Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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