I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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