I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
