she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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