their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
