this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
