Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
