Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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