**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
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He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
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I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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