We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
