I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i may or may not be watching the land before time
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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