i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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