Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
