i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
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I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
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Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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