I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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