am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
