i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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