im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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