Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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