Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
