Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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