??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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