The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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