he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
