Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
