I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
