I bet he comes in French.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
