it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
