marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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