haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Houston, we have a blender
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
