I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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