Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize