Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
