He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
