With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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