I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
