I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
