I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
