I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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