You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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