I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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