My first STD was from a foam party
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We need to get me chipped asap
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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