I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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