Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
